Dreams

Dreams

When he moved to a different town, he wanted a fresh start. He wished for a place where he didn’t get bullied. He dreamed of an environment in which he could be comfortable simply existing the way he is. He wanted an outlet that gave him energy, not drain him of his life.

When he moved to a different school, he wanted to be left alone. He was tired of the drama that came with friendships. He was exhausted from the heartaches that one-sided friendships left him with. He was sick of society’s standards and the way someone had to act in order to gain someone’s heart and care.

When he graduated, he wanted to start over. Mistake after mistake, the life he wished to leave behind showed the worst part of him, the part he wanted to leave behind. Restless, he wanted to begin again and start a new adventure. He wanted to discover life for everything that it is. He wanted to push limits and challenge the norm. He wanted to make a difference.

When he thought of university, he dreamt of getting out there and getting discovered. He wanted to finally break out of his shell. Restless, he was ecstatic about the new adventures he would begin.

Then he hit a wall.

Year after year, he became more and more restless with the potential of ten soldiers within him pounding to be set free. Year after year, he wanted a fresh start to challenge the world and discover the wonderful life he knew he was meant to live. Year after year, he continued to dream of tomorrow.

That’s why he hit a wall.

Tomorrow doesn’t come until today is over. You can’t have ‘next year’ when you’re still in ‘this year’. Accomplishments don’t create themselves; they need work.

Instead of working towards the life he wanted to live, he only dreamt of it. He wished and prayed for a second chance but then never did anything about it when he was given one. Remember, every day you wake up is another chance to make a ‘wrong’ a ‘right’; every day your eyes open is another chance to chase your dreams.

If you’re standing there pointing at a ball on the playground saying, “I want that!” but not doing anything to get it, then what are you truly doing? Nothing.

Your dreams are there for you to take. Your wishes are there for you to achieve.

The stirring in your soul has left you wondering
Should you stay or turn around
Well, just remember that your dreams they are a promise
That you were made to change the world
So don’t let fear stop you now

By: Sidewalk Prophets

I know it’s tiring. I know there will be times where you want to give up. But, honey, don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t give up on…you.

“Your dreams…are a promise that you were made to change the world…”

The day he starts walking towards his dreams is the day he start living them.

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Destiny?

Destiny?

You insist that everything should come naturally, that if you have to “work” at something maybe it’s not meant to be. I totally disagree.

Whether you’re talking about the relationships we have in our lives or the career path we wish to take down the road, your perception has blurred your sight of reality.

My good friend is working her ass off towards a new career path. She is struggling and she is swimming frantically through the pool of sharks that is the roadblocks in her way, but she isn’t giving up. And that’s the most important part here. Success isn’t easy. Having that fairytale dream life you wanted ever since you were nine years old is nearly an impossible task. But if you’re going to tell me that you’re so scared to fail that the amount of work you need to put into your life makes you want to walk away, then walk away.

If you’re talking about the relationships we have in our lives, then you really need to wake up. One relationship with one friend has the potential to give you a headache, but also has the potential to give you everything you need. Yes, your schedules are going to clash. You both have your separate lives. You both are working hard towards your goals. You have to understand that time isn’t for free. But it’s the friendships that you work on that are the ones that turn out priceless. You have to be understanding. You have to be patient. And if you aren’t willing to do that for a good friend, then walk away.

You insist that things that are meant to be don’t need work? Wake up.

I don’t care what kind of prodigy you are; I don’t care what you have up your sleeves that make everything work for you; I don’t care what you think is written in the stars. If you aren’t willing to work hard in order to get what you want, then walk away.

If something means enough to you, it should not matter how much work you have to put into it to survive. If something means enough to you, you wouldn’t complain about the work you have to put in. If something means enough to you, you will work towards it; you will work towards your dreams.

And if you’re just wasting your time with something for the mere existence of something in your life, then walk away.

Don’t stand in front of the exit with a foot out the door. Don’t stand in front of that person and waste their time if you are not willing to treat them with the care and respect they deserve. Don’t insist that you are always right when, in reality, you need to wake up and realize how wrong you are.

Not everything is “written in the stars” but that doesn’t mean you can’t write it in yourself.

Insist

Signing Up

Signing Up

As a student, I am constantly signing up for classes, beginning a whole new experience with each unit I take. Whether that be the bonds formed by the desire to pull out our hair during labs or complaining and downing coffee throughout the endless nights spent studying, friendships are made and new visitors walk into our lives. Though most of the class won’t stay in touch after each semester is over, there is always those couple relationships in which you wish and pray for things to work out.

When you sign up for a class, you commit to x amount of hours studying (it’s usually never the number you thought you’d be spending, but you know this too); you commit to the hours in lecture and/or lab with your classmates; you sign up for the stress, the worry, the panic attacks, everything that could come with the class; you are there pushing through to make things work despite what happens (unless you have to drop, which always sucks).

Now, I’m thinking, what’s the sign up sheet for friendships? There are constantly people signing up to be your friend, either for a semester or for a lifetime, despite that most of them won’t end up being lifetime rock for you to lean on and share laughs with and be partners in crime or whatever you want to call them.

As someone who never had many friends growing up – I was always the loner, the weird/awkward kid, the one who lived under a rock, the one who didn’t really know how to keep friends – I still find myself not having many friends, but for other reasons. Throughout the life lessons we all are forced to learn as we grow up, some of us getting extremely guarded and isolated for that reason. I am very willing to be there for someone, but there aren’t many people who I would put my heart in their hands. I gotta know that they’re worth fighting for a relationship with, long-term. Looking for the kind of friend you want is way harder than finding the right classes to fit in your schedule…

But, to those of you who mean the world in my life right now, and you know who you are, I’m signing up…for you.

I’m signing up for all the times you are a mess because life’s a bitch. I’m signing up for the nights you need someone to cry to. I’m signing up.

I’m signing up for all the weird as hell conversations that probably have ADD because of how many topics we jump around to. I’m signing up for the conversations people would look at weirdly if they read what we said. I’m signing up for the awesome and careless laughs, the essay-long (yes, it’s not “paragraph-long” but “essay-long”) text conversations catching up with you. I’m signing up.

I’m signing up for the arguments I have with you through the clash we have between logic and emotion. I’m signing up to explain emotions to you. I’m signing up to be patient enough to let you learn what you need to learn, for life. I’m signing up.

I’m signing up for the schedule clashes that come between us. I’m signing up to get frustrated when trying to see you after what feels like months apart. I’m signing up for the days I miss you in my life. I’m signing up for the silence from you and the silence I give you because life happens. I’m signing up.

I’m signing up for the deep, meaningful conversations. I’m signing up for the “how are you”s we squeeze into the seconds we have to catch up at times. I’m signing up for the two minute conversations as we pass each other on campus. I’m signing up for the hours long rants. I’m signing up for late night phone calls. I’m signing up.

I’m signing up for your stubbornness in finding out what’s wrong. I’m signing up to be stubborn. I’m signing up for the advice we give each other. I’m signing up to wish you the best in everything you touch. I’m signing up to get excited when something works out for you. I’m signing up to cheer you on. I’m signing up to listen to your complaints. I’m signing up for you to rant to. I’m signing up.

I’m signing up to be here for you. I’m signing up to listen and learn about your life. I’m signing up to try to understand what you’re going through. I’m signing up to help you as I can. I’m signing up.

And I’m not walking away.

Enroll

The Good in The Bad

The Good in The Bad

The past couple weeks haven’t been the best. You can tell by my last few blogs on here about that numbing silence or the yearn to scream and to be told my friend is there for me. I can’t tell you that I’ve felt better, but I can say things are a lot easier.

I try not to think about it anymore. I try to occupy my time. I do my best to not stay in bed for days at a time. Let’s be honest. I let myself dwell in buckets full of my emotions way too much and way too long. But that’s how I am.

And during this time, one friend reminding me that I am genuinely cared for has pushed me to go the distance.

Let me explain how our friendship has turned out:

At first, I could talk to him for a couple hours at least twice a week. Random topics. Us being two weirdos. Just having a laugh and forgetting some of the stresses of the world. I knew I had a good feeling about this friendship for a reason; I knew I had a good feeling about him for a reason.

After a while, he went back to his normal habits of texting and we both got busier so we would talk less, see each other less. I’m the kind of person who can’t stand forgetting to respond to someone. It’s up there right next to not being able to stand seeing little red spots all over my screen, yelling at me for not checking something. He’s different.

Now, I get maybe one text once a week from him and I respond with one (while spamming him every now and then when I see a cool photo on Instagram, or need someone to rant to). Our “one text”s are long, though. They’re paragraphs just because of how many things I rant about throughout the week (I need to stop doing that. Sometimes it just feels better to be able to rant to someone despite getting a response because, honestly there sometimes isn’t a response to be given).

I saw him for maybe five minutes the other day between my jobs. He asked if I was feeling better. And it wasn’t like when normal people ask if you’re okay and you kinda already know they’re just asking to say they asked. I can always see it in his eyes that he genuinely wants to know and he genuinely cares. And that made my day, because it also made me realize that I am feeling better. Maybe it’s not perfect yet but I’m feeling a little better. That’s something!

You guys, it’s the little things!

Like the other day, when I was stressed over my head and my brain felt like it was going to burst into a million pieces, I went to my dad and told him; I went to my mom and talked about how stressed I am. And, guess what, even though they didn’t know how to help or what words to say to make it better, they listened. My mom tried to give me some pointers; she rubbed my back and told me it was going to be okay. And that meant the world to me.

Even when the world seems to be working against us, we really do need to remember and cherish these small moments that mean the world.

Your World Within

Your World Within

I just discovered Your World Within on Spotify. I just discovered their clip called Adjustments. I just listened to words that spoke to me.

And I realized, that is what I want to be able to do. I want to be able to inspire people. I want to be able to encourage people towards their own growth. I want to be able to connect to my audience. I want to be someone people could look to, look up to, and look over to.

I listened to his words and I couldn’t imaged better words to be spoken to me right now.

You see, I am still trying to figure out my class schedule at two community colleges while managing two jobs. My head was spinning when I discovered that I won’t be able to get into a class that is mandatory for transferring this cycle. But luckily my old professor is super understanding and is working to work something out with me.

When my head spins, I get overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. I get very restless and sick in my stomach. Sometimes I get physically sick if I let myself dwell in this state for too long. I always forget to calm down and breathe; and, even if I do, sometimes the weight on my chest never go away, making it impossible to really breathe.

But when I calmed down this morning, and then when I heard Your World Within’s words through Adjustments and Just Hold On and Almost, something clicked.

I take words to the heart automatically. This is can be very damaging as well as helpful, I know. But it helped this time.

I heard his words and couldn’t help but smile as I sit here in this little cornered-off desk in the school’s library. My pen stopped writing down notes for class. My mind went blank and all I could hear were the words he spoke through my earphones.

I know things are tough right now. It might feel impossible to get through the situation you’re in. But there is always a solution. It might not be the solution you planned for, or a solution you even want to consider. But there is always a solution.

I’ll leave the link to Your World Within here:

Your World Within

Give him a listen and see if his words speak to you as much as they did to me.

I’ve always believed that it’s one thing to tell yourself something but it’s another to hear someone else’s words towards you. It makes the biggest difference in my life.

No Longer Sorry

No Longer Sorry

I’m no longer going to apologize for knowing I deserve better. I’m no longer going to say sorry because you aren’t what I need. I’m no longer going to stay silent and repress my wants, my needs, and my feelings just so you can say everything’s okay.

Through the last many friendships, and the last couple relationships, I’ve learned a lot about what I need within my relations with others. I’ve learned about what I need. I’ve learned about what I need to walk away from. I’ve learned that I have a say.

I need someone to be supportive and encouraging. I need someone who is very observative. I need someone who is values deep conversations and emotional connections more than physical connections and lust or desire.

I need someone who is willing to be vulnerable. I need someone who will be 100% in the relationship, not someone who will put a foot out the door every time it gets scary.

I need someone I can be myself around, one hundred percent myself around. I need someone who I can be vulnerable with. I need someone who I don’t feel the need to hide from. I need someone who loves me for every piece of who I am.

I need someone I can have fun with. I need someone to engulf in careless days of joy with. I need someone I can be spontaneous with. I need someone who still sees the light in my eyes.

I need someone who thinks I’m beautiful, strong, intelligent. I need someone to push me to grow. I need someone to want the best for me. I need someone to experience life with. I need someone who wants to be there, in my life.

I need someone who tries to understand my pain, when I’m in pain. I need someone who tries to see why there are tears in my eyes, when I cry. I need someone who sees the reason behind my laughter, when I’m having a good time. I need someone who sees me, for everything that I am whether that be the mask I wear or the layers beneath. I need someone who loves me as I am but also encourages me to grow.

I need someone who is willing to be a part of something that will enhance growth. I need someone who is willing to listen to me and talk to me, honestly. I need someone who will be patient with me and understanding, and expect the same from me.

I need someone who is willing to get hurt because being here is worth the risk of a heartbreak at the end.

I need someone to make me feel full of life not an empty soul.

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