I Apologize

I Apologize

I’m sorry I pushed you away. I know you were just trying to help. It just felt like ‘pain’ to me. I didn’t seem to realize how much I needed you there for me. I wanted to pretend like I didn’t, since you never seemed like you needed me. I’m sorry I didn’t come talk to you. I never do that sort of thing…but I really wish I had. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how much you meant to me. I didn’t think I needed to, but I think I should’ve anyways. I’m sorry I didn’t try to see what you were going through when my world was covered with the hurt I was feeling. I should’ve thought of you all those times I ranted to you and asked for you to be there. I’m sorry I forgot you had your life to deal with too. It seemed like my life was breaking apart while everyone else’s were perfectly holding together. I should’ve known better….I’m sorry.

Even though it didn’t cross my mind back then, you meant so much to me and, whether I’d like to admit to it or not, you still do. You were always there. I saw you four or five times a day. I told you everything. We talked about everything. You’d always make me smile when I thought I was going to cry. You’d always help me see the light when all I saw was pitch black. You’d always make me laugh when I didn’t see any point in it. You always made my day when I thought it couldn’t get worse. It meant so much to me that you were there. I didn’t realize it back then, but the disappearance of you by my side made a HUGE difference. It was like you were the only person I had. That’s how I saw it, anyways. I was always so happy to see you. I was always so excited to talk to you. I was always so intrigued to be with you.

I’m sorry I didn’t realize I loved you back then. Even though now I might not, I still care about you. I still want to see you smiling and laughing. I still want you to be healthy. I still want to look out for you. I still want us to talk, about everything. I still want to have a day with just you to talk and laugh, and just be us. I still want you to know how much you mean to me. I still want you to be loved. I still want you to be the happiest you can be.

I’m still here for you if you ever want to talk. I’m still here for you if you ever need a friend. I’m still here for you if you want someone to listen. I’m still here for you if you ever want the company, even if it means sitting there in silence. I’m still here for you if you ever have problems. I’m still here for you if you want me to be. And even if you don’t, I’ll still be here. I’m still here. Please, remember that.

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Thank You My Friend

Thank You My Friend

I know I’m hard to handle. I know I can be. I know I can be pretty emotional. I know I can be a wreck. I know I ask a lot of you at times. I know I don’t have the right to ask much of you at all. I know it’s hard to find time in your life for me. I know you have so many other things to take care of. I know it’s a drag to have to deal with me. I know how much of a mess I can be. I know how negative I am sometimes. I know how down I can get. I know how much effort you put into trying to be there for me. I know how hard it must be to balance everything on your own. I know….and I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you have to deal with me. I’m sorry I have breakdowns. I’m sorry it confuses you so much when you see me cry. I’m sorry I keep coming to you when I need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to me. I’m sorry how I want so much to trust you but sometimes I just can’t. I’m sorry how scared I am sometimes. I’m sorry you feel like you need to find room in your life for me. I’m sorry I don’t have the guts to walk away. I’m sorry I’m scared of loosing you. I’m sorry I care too much for you. I’m sorry for how much I probably put you through. I’m sorry…but thank you.

Thank you for being there for me even when you barely have time to sleep. Thank you for listening to me rant even though you probably don’t follow all the way through. Thank you for telling me what I need to hear even when it probably breaks my heart when it comes out as the truth. Thank you for all the times you checked up on me to see if I was okay even though I might have not said the truth to make you happy. Thank you for making me smile all those times I didn’t feel like I could ever again. Thank you for making me laugh all those times I was on the edge of crying. Thank you for sticking by me when I know no one else has. Thank you for being a friend even though I know how hard that must be…with me.