Whenever you look towards me and see a silent girl, you use to think nothing of it (or at least that’s how you made it seem) and you never really took it into consideration or thought that something more could be happening. Now, you look towards me and ask what’s wrong when you face that silent girl. You say I like to talk. You say there’s a difference between being shy and being quiet…and I’m the shy one. You say you will listen to me rant whenever I need to talk to someone and be heard. You say you will be there for me whenever you can. When you see that quiet girl, now, you know there’s something more than just a girl who doesn’t want to talk.
Yes, there’s a million things probably running through my mind when I’m silent. There’s a million memories I have stored away that I never want to forget; sometimes they play on and on, and I can’t help but watch the memories go by. There’s a billion thoughts I would probably tell you; if only, if i knew what words to use.
Some of the things…I don’t know how to explain to you, I wouldn’t know how to describe, and I will never know how to make you understand. I want to tell you. I want to talk to you. I want you to know. I want you to understand. I want you to be there.
But…I just don’t know how….
It’s funny, because I write. I can write for hours and get a million words onto the paper, into my screen, during one session…but I can rarely manage to gather the right words to hold a conversation with you, to tell you all the things you want to know and I want to tell. How is that possible? I don’t get nervous around you. I’m always comfortable. I don’t get butterflies in my stomach. It’s not like that, yet I still get a jumble of thoughts rambling in my head.
I don’t get it….I really don’t. And I’m sorry because of that.