I Don’t Think He Gets It

When I’m sitting here thinking about my day, or still just walking through it alone, there are countless numbers of times where I want to call him up and talk to him. There are so many times when I want to tell him about something. Whether it was just something I saw, something funny I heard, something interesting that happened, etc. I always want to tell him first. Whether it was that something horrible happened, something upset me, something is stressing me out, etc. I ALWAYS want to tell him first.

But now. When I go to talk to him. There’s this wall; a wall built up high, a wall built so thick and strong, yet not that visible to the eye. It gets in the way. I can’t talk as frequently as I would wish. I can’t tell him as many things as I want to. I can’t spend as much time just…being with him. And I miss that.

I miss so many things about him. I miss the way he looked at me. I miss the way he would hold me. I miss the way he was tease me and how his voice would sound. I miss the way he acted when we were video chatting. I miss the way he would take care of me and look out for me. I miss the way his company, and his presence made feel as if I was safe. I miss the way his arms wrapped around me and made me feel secure.

There are so many things I miss. But just him being in my life! I mean, he’s still here…I guess. But he’s not with me. (If that made sense). It feels as if I’m walking alone again, and I yearn for him to be here with me. I hate thinking that I’ve become dependent on this guy. I hate thinking he’s got a hold on me. I hate the even slightest possibility that he has become like the other people who have walked into my life, tortured it, and then left.

He’s different. To me at least. I don’t think he gets that either. He was one person who was there for me throughout all those tough years. He was the one person who taught me what it was like to be able to trust someone. He was the one person who stuck by me, took care of me and was there when no one else did. He was the person who loved me when I couldn’t even dare to. He’s different. I wish he’d understand that. From my point of view.

He has been the one person I never thought would hurt me. He had been the one person I had total trust in. I never would’ve questioned him. I never would’ve. I never would’ve thought. I never would’ve believed it. I never would’ve guessed it. I don’t think he ever got that. Fully. From my point of view. For me.

Advertisements

About MysteriesOfLife

"The 'Earth' without 'art' is just 'eh'."
This entry was posted in Stream Consciousness. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I Don’t Think He Gets It

  1. sorry you are feeling like this. I still feel the same way about my ex, and we didn’t date for very long. It was sad for me because I told him my stories of my horrible past and he still gave up on me.

    It still comes in fleeting moments so I can’t lie to you that it will ever go away completely. Honestly, I don’t know if it can go away when someone touches your life so fully and then decides to leave.

    But I do know that it gets better. It is very slow. The urges to talk to him will dissipate and the need to be held by him will become a need to pull yourself up. In the end it is only you. Lean on your friends, lean on your blog, and then find the strength within yourself.

    it absolutely sucks when someone breaks your heart and you’re the only who still feels like you should be together. I absolutely feel your pain and it breaks my heart to read about other people going through it too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s