Somehow I’m still waiting for you to check up on me. I still wait for you to ask how my day was, or how that big test went for me….or if I’m doing better since you know I went home sick and nearly fainting from exhaustion. Somehow I was lying in bed, sick as a dog, and still wondering if you were debating whether to check up on me or not.
The last time we really talked, you said you still cared. Does that mean you still love me? Probably not.
I remember faintly between drifting off to sleep and waking up exhausted, still missing your presence. I wonder how you are. I checked in on you when you took your finals, after every day of them, and know you don’t believe you did so well. I wished i could’ve done something to help. I wanted to be there for you…somehow.
I guess the truth is…I still want a friendship to be existing between us. Throughout all the years we’ve been friends, I want so much for something to have lasted. But it’s become to hard to speak to you, so difficult to hold up a conversation, to pretend like I don’t care.
You know me well enough. Don’t you know that I miss you?
I’m still trying to hold onto something I know isn’t truly there anymore. Why. Why can’t I let go? Because I don’t think I’ll be lucky enough to be granted with something like that again. The friendship we had before. The connection. Anything we had…before everything was thrown away. I don’t think I’ll ever get it again.
Even if I were to be granted that again…I don’t think I’ll be fearless enough to believe it’s true.