I was sitting in class working on my project, when my friend let out a comment that if he were ever to become a teacher he would be a hundred times harder and stricter and scarier than the one we had. I had to turn around. The teacher who’s class we were sitting in scared everyone, but he taught well. I’ll give him that; he is a good TEACHER. But he scares the crap out of everyone, he makes people cry, etc. How did someone, my friend, want to be a hundred times worse than what we already dreaded dealing with? The subs we had knew we were happy when our teacher wasn’t there (mainly because most of the time someone accidentally yells “yes!” right in front of the sub).
When we started talking my friend said that if a student wants to learn, they will strive to thrive in any class. That’s what WE were doing. He said “natural selection” with a small smirk. But somewhere in there, I knew he was right. It didn’t matter what kind of teacher someone had, as long as they were a good TEACHER and the student was thriving to learn, the student would do well. But still…I wouldn’t want any daughter or son of mine to be scared of out their minds just to talk to the teacher about…anything!
I told him, “Let’s see you do that then. I don’t think you’d have the heart to when the time comes.”
And right when I turned back to do my work, I was shocked by something. It both made me slightly proud, but scared me terrifically. I sounded like my sister. It wasn’t just what I said, but also my tone, my voice, everything! The sound that came out of my mouth was not mine. It was hers.
This made me slightly proud for a second because my sister is great. I mean…SHE’S GREAT. She’s done so much, she IS doing so much, she IS so much.
Let me introduce her to you guys. Linda. Second year at UCI. President of ONE. President of APSA. Apart of another club, and is very involved. Works at the memorial hospital. Always has ten or twelve credits of classes. Stays up constantly to study. Wakes up early to work. Linda. My sister.
Me being like her would be wonderful. I would love to be so involved with my school. I would love to have such great time management skills, such wonderful friends, etc. I would love to be so much. So, yeah, I was slightly proud of sounding like her. For my whole life, I looked up to her. She was everything.
But…as you can see I say I was ‘slightly’ proud. I add that word slightly because it’s true. I was only slightly proud of sounding like her. This is because…my whole life the last thing I wanted to do was to stay in her shadows. I was always behind her. There was nothing I did better than her, or even just as good as her. She was always first place, and there I was not even having a spot to stand. I hated behind just “Linda’s little sister” to the world. Everyone I met, if through her, knew me as “Linda’s little sister”. People who saw me when I went to events her her, knew me as “Linda’s little sister”. That was all I ever seemed to be to anyone. It really annoyed me when even my boyfriend introduced me to his best friend as “Linda’s little sister”. I mean, I’ve got a name! I’m my own person too, you know.
I want my life to be mine. I want me to be who I’m suppose to be, and who I am. I’m not just some person in the shadows. I’m not just a girl with a really awesome sister. I’m not just a person you can know for years but still not be more than someone’s little sister.
I don’t want to be that person; the person everyone sees but no one knows, or no one sees even though they’re standing right there. I’m tired of being that person. I’m more than that. I know it.