Tell you something most people don’t know about me. What don’t people know about me?
That sentence. That question. I don’t really have an answer to. In my opinion, I’m more open than I would like to be. People can read me from right to left, and left to right. My facial expressions, my body language, how I treat you or other people, etc. are all legible. They are neat. They are nicely written. Sometimes they aren’t, sometimes I rush and scribble, but they are still legible. A lot of the times I don’t want to be this ‘open book’ but I end up being just that.
If you spend the time to pay attention to me, you’ll find out that I’m easy to read. I think it’s like that with everyone. If you spend time and actually put out the effort, a person cannot be that difficult to understand. Yes, people are different. We have our own ways of thinking that others might not fully understand, but you basically get the gist of it.
On the outside, to everyone who just sees me a couple times, I dress in darker colors. I’m usually alone. I walk sort of faster than normal. I know where I want to go, I know where I need to be, I know where I’m heading to. A lot of the times I have my camera, or a project I’m working on with me. Maybe that makes me look studious or something. You tell me.
These people would see me with my friends. Usually I’m pretty quiet and there are many, many times where I am absolutely silent but there are also times where I am loud and hyper and energetic. I hang out with my boys. I smile a lot with my girls and we joke around a lot. I mess around with the boys and we “play fight” all the time. Maybe that makes me seem outgoing…but I’ve never considered myself as that.
In the circle, my friends, I’m caring; I know that for sure. I’m seen as smart; sometimes, most of the time, I don’t get this. One of my boys says this all the time: You aren’t shy, you’re just quiet. Which I see as true. I’m not that shy girl I use to be, now I’m just quiet. One of my girls say that I’m understanding, that I’ve been through a lot, etc. All that fun stuff. These people get me..for the most part. They are my friends. They are the family I chose. But there is always that one person, or those few people, who know you the best.
To them…they see more than I even think sometimes. They see the tears that haven’t even fallen from my eyes. They see the sadness that suddenly appears in the middle of my joyful laughs and large smiles. They see the change in how I walk when I’m bothered by something. They can tell when I don’t want to talk about ‘it’ or when I want to just left alone. They can tell when I’m stressed, when I’m depressed, etc. by the slightest change in my behavior. These are things others don’t see. They don’t know me enough to, sort of.
There are these people who know me from right to left, and left to right. Sometimes I just feel a little too transparent in front of them. I feel very vulnerable when it comes to them. But even then, I know that there are still parts of me that they don’t know. There are still aspects of me they don’t quite understand or can make any sense of.
I guess this is the same with everyone. There are the people who just pass you by and “know” you from what they see, there are the people who know you but don’t know “enough” to completely know, and there are the people who are just missing some bits and pieces to completely the puzzle.
I just hope I have the right people in the right categories.