I hate how you never truly know who is your true friend anymore. Even if they are there throughout so many hard times during your life together, they might not truly be your friend. You might deserve better. You might need just a little bit more than what they have to give.
Right now, I’m finding out that a lot of the people in my group of friends aren’t really the best friends I should be having. And this is my group for two years. For me, that’s a long time, knowing how hard it is for me to make friends and actually stay friends.
It’s been really confusing me because these people have been there for me through so much. They’ve helped me out of so many pains I had to deal with during the last two years. But, now, what I am realizing is that they were the root of all my pain in the first place. Minus one or two people, of course.
So, throughout the last two years, it’s been them throwing a rock at me and then coming over with a bandage to see why I’m hurt. It has been them backstabbing me and then trying to figure out why I was bleeding.
These aren’t the friends I thought I was hanging around.
For the past two years, everyone has always been against me. It was everyone vs me during almost every single thing that went wrong during the past years.
And you know what? I’m really tired of it. I know I’m a loyal friend. I know I’m a caring friend. I know what I bring to the table. And, even though it has taken me almost all my life to realize this, I know I deserve better than the fake friends I’ve always been having.
I do have true friends right now. A couple actually. And I love them. Because of them, I am starting to push away those who don’t exactly live up to their own standards of a friend. Because of them, I have my bar set to the right place. My friends, from now on, need to be actual friends. Not that BS devil friend who only pretends to be there when they need something.