July 27: From A to Z (2)

July 27: From A to Z (2)

A hurt heart cannot see anything
But the blackness that surrounds, the pain that comes from within,
Cuts that have scarred, and the regrets it keeps making up for itself.
Don’t ever doubt the measurement of pain someone goes through
Even though it might not seem that big of an issue
From your stand point, you aren’t the one dealing with it and
Going through what they are having to put up with.
Having had expectations and high hopes, there
Is nothing that is going through their mind but
Jumbles of thoughts about what they had done wrong, what they should’ve done earlier, or what they should have never even thought of doing. Their heart is broken into pieces badly when all they can said to you is “oh…..
Light doesn’t shine through to their eyes anymore. All they see is darkness and all they feel is the pain they blame themselves for inviting in.
Many go through this every day, yet we underestimate the pain one goes through and continue to put others into these shoes.
Nothing can stop humans for feeling hurt
Other than themselves.
Perfection is something that is impossible to achieve, but the ending of this kind of pain is
Quite achievable.
Right from the start, you don’t play with someone’s heart.
Starting from that first lie, you are making a play that lies and lies come to
Tie a knot where the pain will last.
Under what circumstances is this okay? None.
Very little to none.
We need to learn to appreciate and learn to accept our feelings. Our hurt and pain, our storms and rain can’t just be
X‘ed out from the problem. People go through so many days with a heart heart, a broken heart, a torn heart, a ripped heart, a used heart that need to find a way to make that a healing heart, a mendable heart, a savable heart. This starts with
Zip this way and that, mends those cuts and put back together the broken glass until that heart is whole again. Give it love. Don’t use it. Give it passion and genuine care. Don’t play with it and use it.

July 27: From A to Z

July 27: From A to Z

Before my eyes is where he stood
Couldn’t stop thinking about him, was so curious about him
Don’t think I could’ve stopped, because if I could’ve I would
Even when he’s miles away, he’s got my heart
For the longest time I’ve bottled these emotions up
Gone from knowing, to lying to myself, to pretending as if I don’t in front of him
He doesn’t exactly know, but I’m giving him small hints
I don’t want to straight out and say something
Jumping into something we aren’t ready for is the last thing I want
Killing a perfectly good friendship is a nightmare I don’t want to haunt
Life is wonderful when he’s by my side
Many memories we’ve made swirling inside
No one else really matters, everything else just disappears out the doors
Out of excuses to not tell him, but it’s getting really hard
Pretty much gushed up every time I tried and fell back to start
Quitted here and there, never really got all the way through
Ready or not, I have to tell him and get it through
Standing in front of him, all my thoughts go blank
The lines I had planned and the actions I would’ve made fly
Up to the sky where I can’t really reach
Valentine’s is very, very far away; there isn’t really a day
Where I can just confess easily and just tell him the truth. Can’t he just
Xray my brain and heart and know it from the tattoos?
“You mean everything to me and I want you to stay”
Zzzz from sleeping to eating to stressing about the day, I want you to be there with me through my stay

July 27: Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

July 27: Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

Dreams. Those wonderful things you always tend to wake up from. You escape the world surrounding you to this darkness that develops into some sort of vivid corruption of your own thoughts, ideas and visions. This moving picture blurs in front of your eyes, quick and confusing sensations bullet through your body, and your mind seems to run on its own.

Dreams. That envision you have for yourself in the near or far future. You want to end up in a certain place as the years pass on. You want to be this ‘better’ person you have put together throughout the pass years. There is that place you want to be, that person you want to be, that dream you have for yourself. It’s what you want out of life, it’s what you need to become, it’s whatever you dream it to be.

Dreams. They are irreplaceable. They are breakable. They are something that every person always has, at every point of their lives.

Dreams. They make us want to be something better than what we are. They make us want to have something better, and push us to strive to do better.

Dreams. They take us to a place where we feel safe. They take us to a happiness that we deem is reachable and achievable.

Dreams. Though can always be broken, have become why we try to strive and grow as a society.

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

July 25: Shoulda Woulda Coulda

July 25: Shoulda Woulda Coulda

I know I shouldn’t be afraid to be myself. I know I should follow my heart and chase my dreams. I know I should let go of everyone’s thoughts, who are bluntly trying to hold me down. I know I should do all these things that would be beneficial to me if I went through…but I never do.

I don’t want to grow to be a greater disappointment to the people around me. I don’t want to go against my family just to get what I want. I don’t want to grow up and do nothing but let people down by doing something they don’t want me to do. I know my parents want the best for me, I also know that this is MY life and not theirs…but I can’t make myself come to the point where I can push aside family for my dreams.

We all have these things we are afraid of doing. We don’t know what is going to be left if we leave what we have to reach out for something else we want. We are unsure of ever having the same things. It’s like that saying which says you hold onto the precious things you have now because you don’t think something ‘that amazing’ can happen twice.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

Vietnam. Returning After 10+ Years. Oh Boy…

Vietnam. Returning After 10+ Years. Oh Boy…

I haven’t been here in ten years. I have seen my family here in so long. I had forgotten how things were over here. I had been told so much had changed, but I don’t see the difference.

The first day here, yesterday I arrived, I got homesick for the first time. I missed my friends. I thought about the things that had been left unfinished. I missed my bed, and everything that was familiar. This was a new place; a place I hadn’t been in so long. I’ve grown up since then…but I felt like a child missing my own bed.

Upon arriving, I didn’t recognise half the people who came to pick me up. I didn’t know their faces, their names, even just their relation to me. These were suppose to be my family. But I guess that saying, “Blood doesn’t always mean family, and family doesn’t always mean blood”, can come into play.

I don’t feel like I belong here. Then again I don’t most of the time anyway….

Vietnam…Vietnamese…I didn’t realise how broken my vietnamese is until it has become the only language people can understand, therefore the only language you can basically speak here. How I dress is different, being in my own regular clothes. how I hold myself is different, how I speak is different, not being use to speaking the regular tongue…everything about me is different than the people here. I’m not saying it’s a bad ‘different’…I just feel out of place and very unwanted here.

I can’t wait to get home…but first, I’ll give this place a chance.