Freshman year of high school. I had the decision of whether or not I wanted to move schools…from the high school I was suppose to attend after moving into the area for a few years to the high school my sister was currently attending (and the high school I would’ve ended up at with my elementary and middle school friends, if I had not moved).
I had friends at this high school…and my sister. But after two or so years away from that community, I was kind of hung up on continuing education with my new friends that I had made after moving.
Honestly, it sounded really awesome to move to the same school my sister was at. I knew her group of friends and they were also kind of my friends. I knew my old friends from before my move, also I had met some new friends I was really interested in getting to know (we had met at a festival at said high school and hung out for the night).
In the middle of the process of moving my transcripts and filling out paperwork, I changed my mind. I didn’t want to leave everyone who counted on me at my current school. I didn’t want to enter this new place where I would be nothing but a shadow of my older sister. I didn’t want to start all over in a new place and have nothing there to really count on. So I ended up not going.
After freshman year, I ended up going to that high school for sophomore year and so forth. I ended up at that school, after my sister graduated. I ended up with the group of friends I had been interested in getting to know. I had ended up…there. Just a year late.
Every now and then, I question what would have happened if I had moved before my freshman year. What if I joined my group of friends during freshman year instead of sophomore. What if I met everyone I did…but a year earlier. What then?
My group of friends throughout high school would have been different. Our relationships inside the group would have been completely different as well. The couples that ended up as couples, might not have been if I came into the picture a year before (honestly, I don’t know how I feel about that). The friendships that became to close and tight, might not have been like that if I had come freshman year.
But what if? I’ve spent enough time wondering what could have happened. I’ve spent enough time dreaming of “perfect” circumstances I wanted, depending on what was going on during that time. And…I’m kinda done.
We need to focus on what we have at hand. We have problems in front of us that we should be handling. Everyone does. We shouldn’t be wondering about something that never happened when we have so much to be curious about the future. We can plan the future. We can mold it into what we want. We can’t touch the past; it already happened. It wasn’t meant to be…so we didn’t live it.
What we wanted in the past..might still be able to be apart of our future.
I have enough trouble handling the life I have right now. I don’t think I should be sparing any time figuring out a life that “could have been” if it wasn’t to be. Things happen for a reason, right? If that life isn’t the one we are living, then it was never meant to be lived by us.