“Changed”

“Changed”

Having the person who was suppose to be your role-model, repeatedly say you’ll never be good enough. Having the person you’re always suppose to be perfect to, always believe that you were never beautiful because of scars you had. Having the person who people usually looked up to, never be there for you. Having the person who was always suppose to have your back and listen to you cry, say you’re weak, stupid, worthless….

Having that person suddenly appear in front of you, ready to listen to what you have to say?…sorry I have nothing to say.

https://mysteriesoflifeyouandme.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/july-15-dear-mom/

Continued

Having the person who continuously walked out on you and your family day after day, suddenly return and tell you they want to start over. Having the person who pretends to be there when their mind and heart is miles away, yell at how isolated you’ve grown or cold and distance you’ve been. Having the person who is constantly on their phone talking gossip, complain when you are talking to your friends (who they also call fake useless people who will one day abandon you). Having the person who jumps at someone’s every wish for every day tasks, lecture you about trying and constantly wanting to help someone who is close to ending their life. Having the person who pretends to have changed, continuously show otherwise…

Having that person suddenly “come back” and say they have “changed” through reasons that only tell you that you were at fault for every thing that happened? ….sorry I don’t believe you.

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I Hate Myself

I Hate Myself

For not doing my best. For not asking for help when I knew I needed it. For not having the guts to ask questions. For not taking risks. For not pushing myself in my works. For not looking to the future a little more. For pushing aside so many things I knew I needed to work on.

But I’m proud.

That I saved a few lives during the past few years. That because I lent a helping hand some people are still here today. That I tried my best. That I did what I know many others wouldn’t have, and didn’t.

But now…I am unsure.

Of what will happen next. Of where the path turns and curves. Of the future that is ahead of me. Of this shaky floor beneath me. Of where I will end up in the near future. Of how people will look at me. Of whether or not I will still be accepted by my friends and family.