April 17: Breath

April 17: Breath

One breath. Two breath. Three breath. Focus.

She sits at her table with her head rested in her hands. She breathes.

One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten…she counts.

With ten assignments, four projects, work, chores, and much more, she has too much on her plate. She is overwhelmed with things to do and there is not enough time to get everything done. She knows this too. She can’t do everything, but everything needs to get done.

“Just take a break.” or “It can wait until later.” Her friends constantly tell her. But in her mind, through her eyes, nothing can wait and everything needs to get done NOW.

She’s worried and she scared but no one can help her. She reaches out and no one answers her calls. She looks around but no one is seen in her sight. She’s alone, in her mind.

Working hard every moment she can, she pushes her body to its physical limits. She stays up late at night and wakes up early in the morning, using caffeine and energy drinks to keep her awake. She skips meals and forgets to drink, getting lost in her work as she put her full attention to the screen. She dries her eyes and turns them red, staring at the computer screen all day. She tries to do every single possible thing, forgetting that she needs to listen to her limits.

She pushes her health and pushes herself. She forgets to take a break and forgets to breathe. When she does, she gets better but she only then takes advantage of that to push herself further.

When she does, she can feel weight getting lifted from her heavy shoulders; she can feel the tightness start to vanish away from her chest; she can feel her headaches diminish into thin air. When she does, she gets a break from life and she loves it there.

But then she remembers of all the work she has to do, all the responsibilities life has shoved onto her plate, all her duties she needs to uphold, and everything comes crashing down. Her dream world – where she can just exist and live her life, where she can enjoy herself, where she can BREATHE – turns into darkness and vanishes from her grasp.

She needs to breathe. She needs to take one breath. Once again. But…she doesn’t. She goes back to work. She goes back into her torturous world she yearns to escape from. She goes back in darkness.

She only needed to breathe, take a breath…but she doesn’t. She doesn’t feel she is capable of escaping. She doesn’t feel she deserves to get away. She doesn’t feel like she’s enough.



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