Promotion: Devil’s Angel 10 24

Promotion: Devil’s Angel 10 24

I recently created a new blog.

With this new blog, I am hoping to have a more centered concentration – different perspectives in life (light vs dark).

https://devilsangel1024.wordpress.com/about/

Although I have many ways I see the world, I think “light vs dark”/”Darkness vs Fairytales” is the more vague way to combine them all into two sections.

Please take a look at this new site and let me know what you think.

Below are some posts:
https://devilsangel1024.wordpress.com/2016/05/24/may-24-phase/

https://devilsangel1024.wordpress.com/2016/05/18/him-vs-her-everyday/

https://devilsangel1024.wordpress.com/2016/05/23/he-brings-her-back/

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May 26: Countless

May 26: Countless

You lent me a hand while I was in the dark. You cheered me up while I was down. You helped me see the light while my eyes were fogged by darkness. You wrapped your arms around me while I felt weak.

You held my hand when I needed some comfort. You stood by my side when I couldn’t see anyone else. You helped me stand up when I had fallen to the ground.

You were patient with me when I was stubborn. You were encouraging when I had my doubts. You were supporting when I needed someone to be there for me.

You created unforgettable memories with me. You made plans with me for the future. You went through so much with me by your side.

You pushed my buttons. You pushed my limits. You made me angry and mad. You made me disappointed. You hurt me; you apologized. You forgot about me; you found me again.You fought with me. You nagged me. You yelled at me. You threatened me. You got disappointed with me. You warned me.

You made me smile. You laughed with me. You made inside jokes with me. You teased me/let me tease you. You told me secrets and kept mine. You hated the same people I did. You helped me. You were there for me.

There are countless of memories I have with you. There are countless of moments with you that I wouldn’t exchange for anything in the world.

Countless

May 17: South

May 17: South

Where am I to go?

There is a path that stands before me. There are many paths that start from where I am. There are many paths that branched off a little back. Is it too late to go back? Should I walk forward?

You can’t erase the past but you can make it right. That’s what I’ve been told. You can’t take back what had been done but you can fix it to make it correct.

Sometimes anyways…

Was it too late to go back? During the past four years, there are things I am not very proud of. During the past four years, there are things I wish I could take back. During the past four years, there are actions I had taken that still haunt me today.

Is it too late to go back and fix things? Make them “right” again?

For some things, the answer to this question is “yes”. I wish it were not, but it is true. This is how things are. This is what I made happen.

The person who lived through my eyes four years ago isn’t the same person who stares back at me in the mirror today. The person who did all those things had been locked up into the deepest corner of my heart and mind, but she yearns to escape and waits for the day in which she will get her way.

I fear that day. I fear myself, in a way.

I know what I am capable of. I know what I can do, what she can do, what she had done.

And there is no way for me to take back her actions or “make them right”.

From where I stand right now, I look back at the paths I could’ve taken and imagine what I would’ve found among those roads. Things would have been different if I had chosen to walk a different route. I would be different from the person I am now.

But I can’t change that. I can’t walk backwards. I can’t go back south and change my decision to walk this way.

There is a future ahead of me…but darkness is all I see. For the things she had done and the things I can never forgive myself for, I see the future ahead does not consist of a light in the dark.

But I still have hope. Maybe I can’t forgive myself yet, maybe I can’t escape from my past, but I can keep walking forward. I can choose correctly now and do something right.

Maybe…just maybe…I’ll even find that light in the dark.

If I’m patient enough, if I’m strong enough, if I’m worthy enough, I won’t need to go back to my past and change everything that I had done.

South

May 16: Buddy

May 16: Buddy

“Don’t be all buddy buddy.” Have you ever heard of that saying? I have. Too much.

I’ve heard it when a kid wanted me to stay away from her crush. I’ve heard it when a teen wanted me to back off her best friend. I’ve heard it when someone thought I was being “a little too nice” to them.

It’s interesting how one saying can be used in such different situations.

I’ve heard it when someone was warning me about a new friend I had met. I’ve heard it when a kid was teasing me about my boyfriend. I’ve heard it when an adult was trying to dim my light from childhood.

One saying, even one word, can have such different meanings when you add it to different situations. Interesting.

Buddy

April 14: Underestimate

April 14: Underestimate

You look at me with worry. You watch over me with concern. You read me with curiosity.

Life has been draining. There has been so many things happening at once, none of which seem all that great. You know I am not okay.

You watch over me and look out for me, which I appreciate dearly. You give me support from a distance knowing I need to be alone for a while, which I love you for. You are patient with me, which I am grateful for.

But I can see those times where you question whether I will make it and ask of you to not give up on me. I see your concern grow as I break down on some days, but I ask of you to not panic. I watch you worry yourself with me, but I ask you to believe in me and not underestimate me.

I can do this. I can get through this. I can make it. I will be okay again.

I know there are times where I am drained of energy, I question the point of trying, I worry for my own sake, etc. but I will always get back up on my feet. I will find the strength to raise back up. I will gather the courage to continue fighting on and walk through this life.

I ask of you to not doubt me. I ask of you to have faith in me, even when I do not. I ask of you to be patient with me. I ask of you to keep supporting me. I ask of you to be there for me.

But I ask of you to not underestimate me.

I will get through everything life throws at me. Sometimes, I’ll just need a helping hand. Sometimes, I’ll just keep an encouraging smile. Sometimes, I’ll just need an understanding hug.

But, in the end, I will be okay.

Please, believe in me instead of doubting me.

Underestimate

I See You

I See You

I see the pain in your eyes. I see how much you are struggling to balance and handle everything life throws at you. I see how tired you are growing. I see how close you are getting to giving up. I see the immense weight on your shoulders you are trying to bear. I see the little course of light inside you getting tired, but it still wants to fight. Sweetheart, I see you.
I get it. I know that silence you hear when your thoughts are all too jumbled and loud. I know the pain of trying your best and still somehow not being good enough. I know how much energy gets drained from you, even from the simplest tasks throughout the day. I know the struggle of fighting of the darkness because all you want to do, all you think you are capable of doing anymore is trying to stay sane.

For the ones around me. I see you trying to pick your outfits of the day. I see you attempting to go out of your comfort zone to get noticed. I see your desire to get heard and be seen in a good light. I see you waiting to escape from all the pains of dramas in life. I see you trying to block out the hatred and focus on the positive in life. I see you doing your best to survive and make those around you proud. I see you wanting to live up to their expectations. I see you losing yourself as you try to make them happy. I see you struggling to comprehend what it is to love yourself. I see you pushing off taking care of yourself to be there for others. I see you doing everything you think you can. I see you being left in disappointment. Sweetie, I see you.
I get it. I know how impatient you are getting as you wait for the escape from life. I know how it feels like to question whether things will ever be better than how things are. I get how frustrating it is to wonder if this is all you are meant to do, all you are meant to be in life. I know the struggle of trying to block out the negativity. I know how hard it is to not let everyone and everything get to you. I know the fight that seems to be you against the world. I know it feels as if everything is just getting harder and harder, worse and worse. I know how it feels to start to give up on life and humanity itself.

I’m sorry. I know how it feels but I can’t fix it for you. I can’t magically make everything better for you. I wish I could. I wish I could protect you from everything that is life, but I cannot. I am not capable of doing so many things that I wish I could. I’m sorry. I can’t do anything for you….but be here when you need me. I know it’s a hard battle. I know it’s an exhausting fight every day. I know…I’m here for you. I promise. I’m here for you. Now and until the end of time.