May 3: Abandoned

May 3: Abandoned

She looked into the brown eyes which were searching for something in hers. They were looking for some sign of her giving in to their request: trust. They were looking for some sign of her desire to put down her walls and let them earn her trust.

She sighed. Of course I want to trust you. Don’t think that because I push people away, I don’t want someone close I can rely on. But I’m scared. You know, I have trust issues. 

You’ve been left too many times. Idiots have betrayed your trust too many times. I don’t blame you for having your guard up for me, but please…I’m different. I won’t leave you. I don’t want to hurt you. 

Somewhere in the mess of life, she trusted what she had been told. She allowed herself to get close to these two eyes. She allowed herself to trust.

But that was the mistake she later got punished for.

One mistake, one wrong move, and it’s the people close to you that you will always lose. This was something she had always believed. One wrong move, and people will never be able to look at you the same. One mistake, and people won’t want to be around you anymore. 

But I’m different. I don’t care what mistakes you’ve made and what you’ve done in your past. I’m a part of your present and your future. Your past has made you who you are, but does not define who you have become. 

These pretty words ran through her head until she believed them. She believed that no matter what she did, she would have a friend in them. She believed that no matter what happened, they would always be okay. She believed that no matter what life threw at them, they would still be best friends. She believed…wrong…for one day…

I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. I can’t be your friend anymore. 

It’s complicated. I can’t be there for you anymore. I’m sorry. 

I should’ve known. I should’ve known this dream was going to become a nightmare. These were her best friends; they had become everything to her. When she heard these words and many more, in various levels of harshness,  her heart broke.

There were times when she looked up to these brown eyes once again. Each time, she searched for something. She searched for some sign that they still cared; she searched for some sign that her friend was still there.

But after a while, she stopped searching for her friend. Her friends had grown apart and they had forgotten about the many memories they had created together. This was a nightmare come true for her.

Betrayed. Abandoned. Done.

I should’ve known. I knew better…why did I? She blamed herself for what had happened when, in reality, she had been the one fighting for the friendships when her friends had given up. Why am I always the one to give more? Why is it that, even with that, I am always the one left with nothing?