I feel like he liked me because I was in a beautiful and sexy dress, high heels, had make up on, and had curled my hair that night. I feel like he fell for what was standing in front of him and who he saw that night instead of who he knew was there and who was actually behind those eyes he kept getting lost in. I feel like he asked me out because he fantasized of having the person I was that night instead of the person he already knew me to be.
But he had already known who was standing in front of him wasn’t truly who I was. He knew who I was and who I’ve been known to be. He knew.
I am a tomboy. I am known for my capability of being aggressive, stubborn, and blunt. I am strong and independent. I can be loud and playful. I can be outgoing and energetic but I can also be quiet and isolated.
He knew this. He knew me for a year in advance. Yet, this night was what flipped a switch. It was as if he was meeting me again for the first time…but instead of being myself, I was a girl everyone wanted me to be.
It seems as if he distanced himself from me the more myself I was. It seems as if he put a wall up between us the more he saw reality. It seems as if he pulled the line when he woke up from a dream he thought he was living.
Yet, while he was still daydreaming he made me feel as if I was living a dream. The more awake he got, the more he realized I wasn’t the kind of girl he wanted. But…before he woke up fully, he made me realize he was a kind of boy I wanted.
The more he woke up, the more I had to too.