Shoved Away

Shoved Away

We’ll discuss this tomorrow.
Can’t this wait?
Remind me later.
Just get back to me. I’m busy.
Can we talk later? I’m not in the mood.
I’m in the middle of something. Later.
This can wait. What I’m doing can’t.
I can’t deal with this right now.
There’s too much going on.
Just wait. I’ll get back to you later.
I’ll talk to you later.
I’m too busy. I’ll see you later.

Aren’t you sick of hearing that? I am. Later comes hours, and hours becomes days, and days become weeks, and weeks become…never.

“Can I talk to you about something?” I ask, going through a lot and needing someone to be there for me.
“I’m really busy tonight. Maybe tomorrow?” They respond.
“Sure!” I smile, knowing how the busy life schedule is.

The next day comes and goes.
“Hey, can we talk?” I ask, sure they simply forgot or haven’t had the chance to get back to me.
“Another time, ok? I have a lot going on right now.” They respond looking tired.
I nod “Of course” knowing how draining a busy life is.

The next week comes and goes.
“How is everything for you?” I ask not sure whether life has calmed down enough for them to invite me back to be apart of it.
“It’s been great! I was just out with some friends the other day…” They continue to tell me all the great things they’ve been doing during the past several weeks.
“Oh? That’s great!” I’m happy for them because through their tough schedule, they’ve learned how to still have fun. “Can we talk?”
“Right now?” They ask as if I haven’t asked before. “I’m not really in the mood. Sorry. Another time.”

Weeks come and go and even though we talk, the person always pushes the important topics off to the side only wanting to focus on small-talk and random topics that make life fun.

This happens again, and again, and again. It continues to the point that I simply forget what we needed to talk about after a few months. It never comes up again because I know I’ll just get shrugged off. It’s never important enough for someone to simply stop what they’re doing and focus on it.

But, for me? It goes something like this:

Days and weeks come and go. I have a busy schedule and I do not always have as much time as I would like to spend with friends and just relax. I have a lot on my plate and I understand when people get stressed out with life. But when someone comes to me, I drop everything because I don’t feel as if it’ll happen again. I never want someone to walk away from me feeling ignored or “not important enough” because everyone is important.

“Hey.” A friend texts me one night while I’m trying to catch up on homework and studying I never got around to.
“Hey what’s up?” I immediately respond back.
“Sure” We talk for hours even though we say we were going to get work done. We end up catching up and I hear about the countless of stories from their adventurous days out. We laugh and revisit memories. We both remember why we’re friends and how we are still friends. We have deep conversations and we have foolish conversations that end up with our stomachs hurting from all the laughing. It’s amazing!
But I never get any work done and I end up even more behind than I was before. Despite, somehow I feel like it’s worth it.

I didn’t push them off, and we ended up remembering why we’re friends and having a great time.
I didn’t tell them I’m too busy for her even though that might’ve been the smarter decision for my part, and we lived in the moment.
I didn’t shrug them off, and they continue to be apart of my life just as I continue to be a part of theirs.

Especially to those who mean so much to me, I resent telling them:
I’m too busy right now. (and never getting back to them during the next week.)
I’m really tired, sorry. (and not contacting them right after I feel a little better.)
I’m dealing with a lot, not now, sorry. (and not seeing what’s up the minute I feel as if I can handle pushing pause on my own life.)
Can we talk later? (and not texting them during the next few days.)

We’ll discuss this tomorrow. (and not contacting them ‘tomorrow’.)
Can’t this wait? (and not going back to it during the next few days.)
Remind me later. (and not confronting the topic during the next time it’s brought up, or simply asking them when I remember myself.)
Just get back to me. I’m busy. (and not contacting them right when I can.)
Can we talk later? I’m not in the mood. (and not talking to them the minute I feel better.)
I’m in the middle of something. Later. (and not hitting them up when I’m finished with the task at hand.)
This can wait. What I’m doing can’t. (and not saying sorry right when I finish.)
Later! (I just don’t like saying this. Ever.)



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