What do you do when a million thoughts run through your mind but not a single word makes it out of your mouth? What do you do when all you yearn for is to be understood, to be loved, to be wanted?
I stare at the blank screen in front of me and know that I can fill it with words, but when I look into his eyes I can’t manage to make a sound. I look down to the keys on my keyboard and know which ones to hit to make the sentence flow, but when I’m sitting in front of him the blank wooden table is all I know. I hear my thoughts and I know there are a million things that I want to say, but when it comes time to…express myself…I get stuck on what words I want to say.
I stumble over my tongue. I choke on my words. I can’t…
I feel the tears fall from my eyes, more than I ever have felt before. I feel the pain grow in my heart, the pain that is aching in my chest. I curl up in a ball and hug the thing blanket close to my chest, and feel my body shake. I open text messages, but don’t know what to type. I open up my list of contacts wanting to call someone, but don’t know what to say. Where do I go from here?
I stare up at the ceiling from my bed. I feel how heavy my heart it. I want to say something. I know I want to say a lot. I’m trapped between not knowing where to start and not knowing what to say at all.