Dear Life

Dear Life

I’m forgetting how much time has passed. It’s been six years since I moved to this house. Yet I still remember getting the news of getting the house that day at the old house. Yet I still remember coming to the house to clean it constantly during that summer and not being able to help with anything. Yet I still remember that first night we moved with the blankets piled in the car. Yet I still remember sleeping on a blanket after we arrived to the house, being an exhausted little child. Yet I still remember how annoyed I was when I walked around the new house with boxes everywhere, not wanting to unpack. Yet I still remember the first couple times driving down the streets, admiring the new places. Yet I still remember the feeling of adventure whenever we drove around, the surreal feeling as if we were just going for a vacation.

I’m forgetting how old I really am. I still want to be a child. I still want to have that time before those big decisions I have to make. I still want to be taken care of. I still want to pretend life is perfect around me. I still want to think everything is going to be alright…forever. I still want to think I have friends I can trust. I still want to be able to push people away and expect them to come back and tell me everything is going to be okay. I still want to believe everything to be okay. I still want to be able to walk through life like a breeze.

I’m forgetting…a lot of things. I’m forgetting how my parents are getting older as I grow. I’m forgetting how my life is never going to halt in front of me. I’m forgetting how time doesn’t wait for anyone. I’m forgetting how I need to start taking care of myself. I’m forgetting how I’m soon going to be on my own, facing the real world by myself.

I’m sorry I’m forgetting so much. Can you slow down? Can you stop for a couple more years? Can you wait for me to figure things out? Can you freeze until I am not so broken anymore? Or better yet…

Can you go back to how things were? Can you go back to the time where I didn’t know any better? Can you relapse to the years I was just..happy…and nothing else? Can you go back? To the times I thought I could take on the world and be okay? To the moments I felt like everything was going to be okay? To the memories that I have of happiness…wherever they are in my mind…?

Can you go backwards? To a time I thought everything was alright? That’d be a dream come true…..

I’m forgetting how strong I can be. I’m forgetting how smart I can be. I’m forgetting all the good things in life. Can you go back to a time I remembered?

Please?

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Welcome Back…

Welcome Back…

I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked.
I know a lot has changed – on my side of the story anyway.
I know it’s time to focus on the future more than what’s happening right now.
I know we’ll both just get busier and busier.

I know it’s wary to say I still “feel at home” when talking to you.
I know it’s wary to say you’re still the easiest person to talk to…and most enjoyable at times.
I know it’s wary to say I am realizing the empty place you left in my life has been filled since you’ve come back.
I know it’s wary to say there are some things that cannot be duplicated in a relationship with someone else that I have with you.

But…

I know I will never trust you the same, if I can come trust you at all after everything you put me through.
I know I will never forget everything that happened for it had scarred me for life.
I know I will never be able to go back to how things were and feel like that again.
I know I will never be that little girl who trusted, who believed, who thought her fairytale would never end.

I know I am still trying to heal as I push the pain to the side.
I know I am still trying to accept and move forward from the scar you had left behind.
I know I am still trying to go through my life and find strength to be alright.
Because I know…I am still trying to push past the scar that continues to haunt me day in and day out.

But…

I know you bring a smile to my face as I am able to talk freely with you since…I always have my guard up uncomfortably high with nearly everyone else.
I know you make me feel better when you listen to my struggles and rants since…no one else will listen or puts up with my problems.
I know you give me a sense of well-being because I know you accept me for who I am since…everyone else seems to always be pointing out flaws and pushing me to change, not liking anything about who I truly am.

……what do I say?

I know I’m stressed out with everything that is going on in my life right now.
I know I don’t have much of an escape route, any outlet of any sort.
I know I’m dealing with a lot right now, physically and mentally, and feel overwhelmed some of the times.
I know I have a lot of pressure, a lot of expectations, a lot of…everything, that sometimes I just want to scream.

So, I know I might be too glad that you’re back in my life.
I know I might be too happy that I have someone to talk to who will accept me, listen to me, and be there for me…even if that person is you.
I know I might be too grateful for the little that you go because of everything I’m dealing with, everything that life’s putting me through.

I know I’m welcoming you back with open arms even though I might want to consider being more wary.
I know I’m becoming too excited about talking to you even though I might want to keep my distance.
I know I’m jumping in too far too fast even though I might want to not think of it as anything yet.
I know I’m starting to believe in you again too quick even though I might want to not trust anything right now.

But…

Welcome back. 🙂

The Magic of Time

The Magic of Time

Memories you have, good or bad, always want to be returned to. Whether it’s to change what happened with something new or to relive the moment, the days you have in your life are always wanted to be returned to.

For my future, the mystery ahead, there are many pictures that run through my head. I like to seek an adventure. I want to go somewhere far from home. I want to be apart from those who want me to be nothing but tied down to a pole. I want to escape this place, build my own world, and seek a better future than I thought I would ever have under my own control.

For my past, the things I’ve left behind, I will always remember them and cherish them deep in my mind. I’d like to think things have happened for a reason; there isn’t anything I can really do. The past is there and I might forget, but the memories I had are ones I won’t regret. I look back and relive those moments in the past. I look back and question the things that I had. I look around me, the things might not be the same, but I had the chance to do what I want so if things aren’t ‘perfect’ that is my own blame.

http://www.build-creative-writing-ideas.com/free-creative-writing-prompts-time.html
Prompt #3: If you could fast forward ahead or rewind backwards to any point in your life…..

Doomed Love

Doomed Love

I wasn’t planning on this. Falling in love with you was the last thing I wanted. Because I know our time would have to come to end. Yet, here I am, begging you not to turn the page.

I don’t want to loose you, that I know is true. But I also don’t want to get hurt..because I think I’m falling for you.

There’s so many things that could’ve happened. There were so many things that could have come from this. But somehow life led us to this point. I’m standing here, looking at you, trying to be hand to hand.

I want you to stay, though the doubts are trembling in my mind. I want to have you here with me, though there is so much more to think about. I want for this to happen, though I’m questioning if there is hurt at the end.

We would have never expected this. I didn’t come expecting to fall for someone. But I did. I’m starting to. And now I don’t exactly know what to do.

I’m asking for you to not leave me. I wouldn’t know what I would do. There is so much in this that I want to come true.

Please don’t turn the page. Please don’t let me down. Please don’t let me turn and find that you are never around.

http://www.writersdigest.com/prompts/doomed-love

August 10, 2016.

August 10, 2016.

August 10, 2016.

It’s after graduation. We’ve all said goodbye to our friends, and said see you later to the family we’ve picked from those friends. It’s near time to start classes for college.

If we were planning to move, the move has been done. If we were planning to stay, we’ve wished those gone a well and safe trip and told them to come visit soon. If we were planning to say something, hopefully we already did. If we were planning to do something, hopefully it’s already been done.

Now that we look back…to graduation, to the four years, to our memories, to our friends…we know how much of that we are truly going to miss.

What if we had a chance to go back and change something? A tunnel that lead back to one of those memories. Would we go back to change something…that might end up altering the rest of all of our lives from then on?

Would we really take the risk of making everything different? We have survived to this point through the events we had to deal with. The past, the struggles, etc. have built us up to what we are today. If we fix something, even just one thing, everything else might change. Are we seriously going to risk that?

Remember all the good things we’ve had during this time. Remember all the things you love that never would have been if something horrible hadn’t occurred. Remember everything that there is to remember about the past. Hold it close. You can’t go back to relive anything, or change anything, but you can keep it in your heart and remember it always. You can give it significance, and go back to it every now and then.

http://www.writersdigest.com/prompts/where-does-the-tunnel-lead

Connections

Connections

The prompt:
Everything somehow has its connections. Who are you? And how does everything you love connect?

Expressing oneself.

I love photography. I love to write. I love listening to music. I love looking at pieces of art.
I love being there for someone. I love being able to help. I love being someone to somebody.
I love giving something a new way of looking at it. I love being different. I love being…me….

With photography, I capture the moments that will soon become memories. I freeze the time in that one second so it can be remembered again later on. I give a simple object, a misunderstood subject a new light and a new way to look at it. I tell stories with one push of a button, without saying a word, without opening my mouth.

With writing, I create this other dimension. I develop this new wonderful world that I, as well as other people, can get lost in. I zoom in on topics and things that sometimes aren’t addressed enough. I weave morals and lessons into stories people can understand. I express myself by making this place I would love to be in…

With music, every note has meaning and every verse has rhyme. There is a purpose, a story, a secret hidden within the beats, the words, and sounds. I get lost in this moment. I sometimes feel as if someone actually understands what I go through. I escape from the world around me and just blank out for a moment. And, in that moment, there’s just me.

With art in general, there is so much more than what is on the surface. It’s someone’s way to express themselves. They are creating something that has absolute priceless meaning. To them, none of this can be replaced. Because what they make, what they put into it, what was happening in the moments of creation and so forth can never be remade and restructured together to form what has become a beautiful piece of art.

I love being there for someone. People don’t always get the chance to show how they really feel. Bottled up emotions, with time can cause a hurricane like storm.

The things I love…seem to all revolve around one’s expression of themselves and what they’ve been through. They all connect…mainly through art.