Destiny?

Destiny?

You insist that everything should come naturally, that if you have to “work” at something maybe it’s not meant to be. I totally disagree.

Whether you’re talking about the relationships we have in our lives or the career path we wish to take down the road, your perception has blurred your sight of reality.

My good friend is working her ass off towards a new career path. She is struggling and she is swimming frantically through the pool of sharks that is the roadblocks in her way, but she isn’t giving up. And that’s the most important part here. Success isn’t easy. Having that fairytale dream life you wanted ever since you were nine years old is nearly an impossible task. But if you’re going to tell me that you’re so scared to fail that the amount of work you need to put into your life makes you want to walk away, then walk away.

If you’re talking about the relationships we have in our lives, then you really need to wake up. One relationship with one friend has the potential to give you a headache, but also has the potential to give you everything you need. Yes, your schedules are going to clash. You both have your separate lives. You both are working hard towards your goals. You have to understand that time isn’t for free. But it’s the friendships that you work on that are the ones that turn out priceless. You have to be understanding. You have to be patient. And if you aren’t willing to do that for a good friend, then walk away.

You insist that things that are meant to be don’t need work? Wake up.

I don’t care what kind of prodigy you are; I don’t care what you have up your sleeves that make everything work for you; I don’t care what you think is written in the stars. If you aren’t willing to work hard in order to get what you want, then walk away.

If something means enough to you, it should not matter how much work you have to put into it to survive. If something means enough to you, you wouldn’t complain about the work you have to put in. If something means enough to you, you will work towards it; you will work towards your dreams.

And if you’re just wasting your time with something for the mere existence of something in your life, then walk away.

Don’t stand in front of the exit with a foot out the door. Don’t stand in front of that person and waste their time if you are not willing to treat them with the care and respect they deserve. Don’t insist that you are always right when, in reality, you need to wake up and realize how wrong you are.

Not everything is “written in the stars” but that doesn’t mean you can’t write it in yourself.

Insist

Advertisements
Your World Within

Your World Within

I just discovered Your World Within on Spotify. I just discovered their clip called Adjustments. I just listened to words that spoke to me.

And I realized, that is what I want to be able to do. I want to be able to inspire people. I want to be able to encourage people towards their own growth. I want to be able to connect to my audience. I want to be someone people could look to, look up to, and look over to.

I listened to his words and I couldn’t imaged better words to be spoken to me right now.

You see, I am still trying to figure out my class schedule at two community colleges while managing two jobs. My head was spinning when I discovered that I won’t be able to get into a class that is mandatory for transferring this cycle. But luckily my old professor is super understanding and is working to work something out with me.

When my head spins, I get overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. I get very restless and sick in my stomach. Sometimes I get physically sick if I let myself dwell in this state for too long. I always forget to calm down and breathe; and, even if I do, sometimes the weight on my chest never go away, making it impossible to really breathe.

But when I calmed down this morning, and then when I heard Your World Within’s words through Adjustments and Just Hold On and Almost, something clicked.

I take words to the heart automatically. This is can be very damaging as well as helpful, I know. But it helped this time.

I heard his words and couldn’t help but smile as I sit here in this little cornered-off desk in the school’s library. My pen stopped writing down notes for class. My mind went blank and all I could hear were the words he spoke through my earphones.

I know things are tough right now. It might feel impossible to get through the situation you’re in. But there is always a solution. It might not be the solution you planned for, or a solution you even want to consider. But there is always a solution.

I’ll leave the link to Your World Within here:

Your World Within

Give him a listen and see if his words speak to you as much as they did to me.

I’ve always believed that it’s one thing to tell yourself something but it’s another to hear someone else’s words towards you. It makes the biggest difference in my life.

No Longer Sorry

No Longer Sorry

I’m no longer going to apologize for knowing I deserve better. I’m no longer going to say sorry because you aren’t what I need. I’m no longer going to stay silent and repress my wants, my needs, and my feelings just so you can say everything’s okay.

Through the last many friendships, and the last couple relationships, I’ve learned a lot about what I need within my relations with others. I’ve learned about what I need. I’ve learned about what I need to walk away from. I’ve learned that I have a say.

I need someone to be supportive and encouraging. I need someone who is very observative. I need someone who is values deep conversations and emotional connections more than physical connections and lust or desire.

I need someone who is willing to be vulnerable. I need someone who will be 100% in the relationship, not someone who will put a foot out the door every time it gets scary.

I need someone I can be myself around, one hundred percent myself around. I need someone who I can be vulnerable with. I need someone who I don’t feel the need to hide from. I need someone who loves me for every piece of who I am.

I need someone I can have fun with. I need someone to engulf in careless days of joy with. I need someone I can be spontaneous with. I need someone who still sees the light in my eyes.

I need someone who thinks I’m beautiful, strong, intelligent. I need someone to push me to grow. I need someone to want the best for me. I need someone to experience life with. I need someone who wants to be there, in my life.

I need someone who tries to understand my pain, when I’m in pain. I need someone who tries to see why there are tears in my eyes, when I cry. I need someone who sees the reason behind my laughter, when I’m having a good time. I need someone who sees me, for everything that I am whether that be the mask I wear or the layers beneath. I need someone who loves me as I am but also encourages me to grow.

I need someone who is willing to be a part of something that will enhance growth. I need someone who is willing to listen to me and talk to me, honestly. I need someone who will be patient with me and understanding, and expect the same from me.

I need someone who is willing to get hurt because being here is worth the risk of a heartbreak at the end.

I need someone to make me feel full of life not an empty soul.

Cavity
Why Paytm Bank Is A Cavity In The Wall Of Digital India and Banking?
Farewell, Ole Friend…. – Branching Out

Tenfold

Tenfold

I spent the past two hours working on some last assignments for this past semester. I spent the past two hours shoving my screams down the drain, struggling to just feel comfortable in the silence – despite the music blaring in my ears.

But the second I finished, the second the distraction went away, everything came back tenfold.

I couldn’t breathe for a while. I could feel the world spinning around me with everything frozen in time. I could see him standing in front of me, my back against the trunk of a tree. I could feel his hands on my body. I couldn’t scream.

For once, I wish I couldn’t write. I wish I didn’t have all these confusing emotions flooding through me. I wish I didn’t have….this feeling anymore!

I want to go to sleep so I didn’t have to deal with this feeling. But even if I sleep, it won’t go away.

I want to go away.

Safe

Safe

I sit and stare. At my desktop picture, with nothing else on the screen. At the ceiling above my bed, in the darkness I wish to disappear into. At the white wall by my desk, with enough fury to punch a hole but no energy to move.

My body silently screaming. My mind struggling to deal with the tornado, the tsunami, and the earthquake that is my thoughts tearing up my insides.

But they don’t see the destruction within me. They don’t hear me beating myself up. They don’t see the visions that keep replaying in my mind. They don’t understand everything, anything, that goes on inside me. They don’t understand how much I want to be safe once again…

Safe. I want to feel safe again. I try my best to rewind the good memories from the past couple days. I remember how it felt as my friend held me as I sobbed. I remember his soothing voice telling me it was not my fault. I remember him telling me to get up and found myself in his arms. I remember his voice telling me, again and again, that I was safe now. I remember…feeling safe.

How much I want to feel safe again…

Inscrutable

Silent Screams

Silent Screams

You know what sucks? Wanting to sleep so you don’t feel the pain anymore but finding yourself living more horrors through nightmares you can’t wake up from. I couldn’t wake up.

A close friend hopes that I stop beating myself up over what happened. I had begun to tell him what happened, hoping for someone to tell me it was going to be okay. I’m grateful for him; I will never be able to thank him enough. He told me, over and over, trying to get it through my mind, that it doesn’t matter what people say or how much I beat myself up because it wasn’t my fault. He held me as I sobbed. My entire body was probably shaking. For once, I felt strong to be crying. I needed it so badly that I wasn’t scared to cry. I wasn’t scared that time because I believed he’d hold me together and give me time. When I calmed, he got me on my feet and pulled me into his arms. The warmth soothed my heart. He reassured me again and again that I was safe now. And, in his arms, I believed him.

But when I went to sleep in attempt to run away from my thoughts, somehow they still played in my sleep, in the back of my mind. I couldn’t wake to stop them. I couldn’t shake them out of my mind.

He wanted to fight off the demons in my mind with love. He wanted to shield me from the pain. But I don’t think he ever thought I’d wake up in the mornings with a scream in my throat but no voice to be found.