It’s interesting: when you look into the future you don’t automatically realize how much could potentially change in your life within the next few months, but when you look back at the last few months that change is suddenly very apparent. That’s where I am right now. That’s where a lot of us are, probably.
In the last few months I’ve been vacant from my blogs (as my prewritten posts have been publishing on my main account), a lot has changed. And though I would have never asked for most of the things that has happened months ago, I am very grateful for everything that is currently in my life. I am so very happy with the people who are close with me. I am excited to meet and create new relationships with new coworkers in the near future. I am extremely excited for and grateful for the opportunities that I have in front of me. It’s been a challenging few months but I am grateful nonetheless.
But all of this also means, a lot of change is still happening. I have new opportunities before me. I have new challenges that await me. I have new obstacles eyeing me at the end of the tunnel that I can already see. And all of this reminds me that change will always be happening.
A few months from now, I will look back and realize how different my life will have had to become to adjust to all the challenges and obstacles I must face. And every few months to come, the same thing will happen. That’s just what happens in life. Change is this never ending cycle that we will never successfully hit pause on. Change will always come. Change is inevitable.
Isn’t it interesting how day after day everything seems to be the same, yet when you start to look back you can see how much has really changed?
Ten years ago, I think all I really cared about was how much time I got to spend with my dad, how much I could learn from him. I used to love when something was “our thing”…like when he taught me how to play Chinese checkers or all the times I helped him around the house. Even a simple trip to Home Depot for some gardening dirt probably seemed special in my little brown eyes.
Five years ago, all that mattered was finding a place where I felt like I fit in because home no longer felt like home, and it hadn’t for a long while. And when I couldn’t find a place to call home, I felt like a bird trapped inside a cage waiting to be set free. I felt lost, and I felt as if no one understood what I was going through. I felt like…I knew there was more out there for me than the simple day to day life I was stuck living. I mean, doesn’t every teenager think that? Five years ago, my grades were probably the last thing I cared about. I started getting the lectures about deciding what major I wanted to pursue. I started getting the lectures that pushed me towards the medical field. I started getting the lectures about how I should be grateful for the opportunities I had since my parents didn’t have a choice at my age.
Three years ago, I wanted to be done. I wanted to move out. I wanted to finally see what the world had to offer. I wanted to be a bird set free. And at the end of that year, I wanted to run. It became, not the desire to venture out in the wild but, the need to escape everything that surrounded me. Everything around me just caused me pain and suffering seemed like the only thing I knew how to do.
Two years ago, I was trying to find a career path in which I would excel. I was trying to find a purpose in the mess of a life I was living. I was picking up the pieces of myself and trying to find a place for everything. I found myself learning how to love to myself and every piece of my broken heart. I found myself trying to start fresh once again.
Last year, I decided that I was going to start with a clean slate (or as clean of a slate I could get my hands on). From the town that I grew up in and the town I found myself attending school in for the past few years, I chose to register in a college campus closer to my house. It meant returning to the town I lived in, and the town I was forced to abandon a couple years back, but it also meant that I would have a chance at finding a new name for myself.
Today, I couldn’t be more proud.
Life, in my mind right now, should always be about creating, inspiring, and enjoying. Take this as you will but I ask you to give what I say more than a second of thought.
We are constantly creating. We strive to create welcoming and accepting environments. We yearn to continue and create new technology and advance our minds in multiple ways. We create new opportunities, if not for ourselves then for the people who come after us. We create countless of moments in our lives, including both the ones we wish to relive and those we wish we never had experienced. Despite whatever we do, we are creating something. If you want the most basic and simplest form of this, then: we are continuously creating carbon dioxide when we inhale oxygen from the air around us.
We are constantly inspiring, as well. No matter whether or not you are aware of it or not, multiple people in your life look up to you to a certain extent; no matter whether or not you are purposefully trying to inspire another human being that is exactly what you do, just by being you. It can be as basic as someone looking up to you because you are kind to everyone you meet. It can be the fact that you are ambitious or passionate with something. It can be anything. Someone around you is looking up to you every single day.
And, lastly, if you are not enjoying life…then what the heck are you doing? If you don’t like something, change it. If you want something/someone, work for it/them. If you are feeling more negative feelings than positive, change the way you see the current events in your life because all it really is, is mindset. Think of that insanely hard class as your opportunity to challenge yourself. Think of that mean boss as a chance for you to be the bigger person and simply remain professional and friendly. Think of the accident you got yourself into as a lesson for your future so you don’t make the same mistake twice. It’s all in the mindset and how much you believe you can grow from what is happening around, and to, you.
Create. Inspire. Enjoy.
If you aren’t doing these three things, change something.
I watch him hit you “playfully” from across the table after you said something to offend him. I watch him threaten to do it again later, making you flinch and quickly stutter to take back your words laughing to hide the fact that you were afraid. I watch him give you a death glare while you try to look away but can’t.
I watch and try to look down at the table, onto my laptop screen, somewhere else but it doesn’t hide the fact that it was happening right in front of me.
“Stop it.” I stated coldly directly at him. He stopped. But the next time he hit you was harder. Damnit.
I couldn’t pin him on the wall and snarl at him to stop like I’ve imagined doing; I knew he was stronger than me. I couldn’t stand up and pull you to your feet and drag you away from him; I knew you wouldn’t go and if you had it would just make you get into even more trouble with him. I couldn’t stand up to him for you like I wanted to; I knew what he has done and still am not sure what he is fully capable of.
This was the same three years ago. We parted for three years. Something in me hoped that your life would’ve changed. When you told me you don’t talk to him anymore, I was so glad. When you told me you rarely see him anymore, I had thought you had gotten out of his grasp. But here we are, with you coming whenever he calls, listening when he talks, scared to upset him, begging when you don’t want to do something, etc. He still has such a hold on you. Nothing had changed.
No, wait…I have.