Dreams

Dreams

When he moved to a different town, he wanted a fresh start. He wished for a place where he didn’t get bullied. He dreamed of an environment in which he could be comfortable simply existing the way he is. He wanted an outlet that gave him energy, not drain him of his life.

When he moved to a different school, he wanted to be left alone. He was tired of the drama that came with friendships. He was exhausted from the heartaches that one-sided friendships left him with. He was sick of society’s standards and the way someone had to act in order to gain someone’s heart and care.

When he graduated, he wanted to start over. Mistake after mistake, the life he wished to leave behind showed the worst part of him, the part he wanted to leave behind. Restless, he wanted to begin again and start a new adventure. He wanted to discover life for everything that it is. He wanted to push limits and challenge the norm. He wanted to make a difference.

When he thought of university, he dreamt of getting out there and getting discovered. He wanted to finally break out of his shell. Restless, he was ecstatic about the new adventures he would begin.

Then he hit a wall.

Year after year, he became more and more restless with the potential of ten soldiers within him pounding to be set free. Year after year, he wanted a fresh start to challenge the world and discover the wonderful life he knew he was meant to live. Year after year, he continued to dream of tomorrow.

That’s why he hit a wall.

Tomorrow doesn’t come until today is over. You can’t have ‘next year’ when you’re still in ‘this year’. Accomplishments don’t create themselves; they need work.

Instead of working towards the life he wanted to live, he only dreamt of it. He wished and prayed for a second chance but then never did anything about it when he was given one. Remember, every day you wake up is another chance to make a ‘wrong’ a ‘right’; every day your eyes open is another chance to chase your dreams.

If you’re standing there pointing at a ball on the playground saying, “I want that!” but not doing anything to get it, then what are you truly doing? Nothing.

Your dreams are there for you to take. Your wishes are there for you to achieve.

The stirring in your soul has left you wondering
Should you stay or turn around
Well, just remember that your dreams they are a promise
That you were made to change the world
So don’t let fear stop you now

By: Sidewalk Prophets

I know it’s tiring. I know there will be times where you want to give up. But, honey, don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t give up on…you.

“Your dreams…are a promise that you were made to change the world…”

The day he starts walking towards his dreams is the day he start living them.

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A Reoccurring Dream

A Reoccurring Dream

After a long week of work and study, I collapse into my king-sized bed and throw the comforter over myself. The quiet humming of the AC calms me somehow as I snuggle into my blanket and close my eyes. Finally, I could sleep without worrying about tomorrow’s schedule. It was Friday night after all.

Soon, I see this white light in front of me. It wasn’t as if I were standing in front of a lightbulb, where the light is too blinding to even look at. It was as if my eyes were protected somehow, allowing me to look straight ahead…despite not knowing what I was looking at in the first place.

I believed I was asleep but couldn’t shake the feeling of “having been here”, the feeling of deja vu. This warmth coated my body and suddenly I felt weightless. All the stress in my body completely disappeared. All the tension in my muscles, which have been there for years and years, had simply vanished. I didn’t remember the last time I felt like this, but I didn’t ever want to leave.

I looked ahead again, towards this oddly calming light and felt a pull towards it. My feet felt as if I was suspended in the air, so I could not walk forward but I felt my legs try to. It was as if I was being called, as if I was returning somewhere I’ve been before. I kept looking at this light but could not understand what about it fascinated me so much.

After a while, I felt a hand reach out to me. Something told me everything is going to be okay. Something told me I was taken cared of. Something told me all I had to do was wait for whatever is supposed to unfold next. It was as if something was guiding me. Somehow I was protected. Somehow I was watched over, in a way. Somehow…I had this sense of security.

Then I opened my eyes and found myself still laying in my bed, surrounded by the darkness that is nighttime. But I found myself holding onto that sense of security, and I felt in my heart that everything was going to be okay. Something told me I wasn’t alone. Something told me I was taken cared of. Something told me I was promised…what, I don’t know.

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A Question to Answer

A Question to Answer

I have a question for my readers. And I’d love to hear back from you all in the comments or even just email me:

mysteriesoflifeyouandme@gmail.com

(Seriously, I’d love to hear back from everyone!)

So the questions are as follows:

1. Was there a point in your life that you wanted to escape from the place you were? Did you ever think of leaving a letter, a note, a video explaining/saying something to those you would be “leaving behind” (even if, just for the time being)? How did that go? What stopped you from leaving?

2. Where do you want to go, if you don’t want to stay where you are?

To be fair, here are my answers:

1. There were many, many, many times where I felt so trapped and so limited in the ways I was expected to live my life that I wanted to be free in any way I could be. I didn’t want to constantly get lectured about how I should represent the family in public, how I need to behave to save face even in front of the relatives, or how much of a disgrace a certain act was. I didn’t want to get shoved into this limited box of characteristics I could only be if I wanted a peaceful life. I hated that idea.

The last time, I remember this night very clearly, I wanted to simply run away. I asked my boyfriend at the time very late into the night, “Would you be okay if I just picked up and left without saying anything?”, knowing he would get where I came from and what was running through my mind. He knew what position I was at in my life and he knew of all the things I was having to deal with on a daily basis during that time.
I remember planning it in my head. I parked my car outside during that time. I remember thinking, “I could sneak out through the backyard and the back fence would lead me straight to my car. I could turn off my headlights until I got a little bit further down the neighborhood. I could easily just drive off. I have money for gas. I have money for food. I could just grab a bag of clothes and head out.”
I remember thinking of what the empty street would look like at that hour. I remember feeling suddenly very relaxed and “at peace” with the thought of being out there on my own without people constantly nagging at me to do this or obey to that.
But, I never went. My boyfriend at the time had texted back, “No, I wouldn’t be. Please don’t go”, knowing I had the guts to actually go through with it. Somehow the simplicity of being reminded that I was still wanted around home made it enough for me to start slipping off to sleep. I remember telling him, “I’m here” and seeing his response, “I hope you always continue to be. I’m holding that on you.” I remember smiling and thinking, “I’m never going to live this down…” before falling asleep.

Like I said, I’ve had that thought countless of times. What stops me from going?
It’s simple: It can wait. It keeps me going. It keeps me waiting for the future.

Ever since I was little, it has been my dream to travel the world to capture the irresistible moments the heart will fall for. It has been this calling of mine that I have yet to answer to. I dream of going out there and experiencing the world through my lens, through the eyes of one who has a heavy, yet fearless, heart.

Sometimes, I wonder…since my dream of traveling as made me look forward to the future during many times where I couldn’t see myself being alive the next month, what happens once I go? What happens once I go to every location I’ve written down on my list of plans and have collected millions of photographs but still end up feeling that sense of meaningless and worthlessness at some point? Will I continue to think there is so much more out there for me, or will I think this is it?

2. I want to go to Greece. I want to go to LA. I want to go to New York. I want to go to Paris. I want to go to England. I want to go to Crystal Cove. I want to go to Catalina. I want to go to Big Bear. I want to go to San Francisco. I want to go to Vegas. I want to go to a black sand beach. I want to go to Yosemite National Park. I want to go to Artist Point. I want to go to Washington DC. I want to go to a glass beach. I want to go to Korea. I want to go to Japan. I want to go to Taiwan. I want to go to Little Corona del Mar Beach. I want to Sacramento. I want to go to the Golden Gate Bridge. I want to go to to the Great Wall of China. I want to go to the 7 wonders of the world: Great Pyramid of Giza, Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Status of Zeus at Olympia, Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, Colossus of Rhodes, and the Lighthouse of Alexandria. Etc. Etc. (The list goes on)

What about you?

Lost Memory

Lost Memory

Driving down the normal freeway home, the cars around me are going at least 70mph. It’s a great day. There’s no traffic. It’s wonderful.

I should be getting home in half an hour, but my thoughts are wandering and that is never good. Somehow I purposefully find myself in a huge car accident. People are crowding, yelling, screaming, and poking when I black out.

The next time my eyes open, there’s a white fuzz on everything I’m able to see. Nothing is really clear; the light is bent in weird ways at the edge of my eyes. I wake up alone and confused.

The room is empty. It’s a pretty nice room. There’s a window to my right, a cabinet below at my feet, a sink in the middle and a door on my left. There’s a few chairs here and there, a good amount of space around my bed, and a nightstand with flowers by my head. It is a very clean and nice room.

“Why am I in the hospital…?” I think to myself.

I can’t seem to remember if I’ve been in this room before. It looks familiar, but I can’t tell whether I’ve been in the exact room or just in a hospital in general. I can’t remember a lot of things…

The doctor comes in. He starts asking questions like “What is your name?” “How old are you?” “Who is your father?” “When is your birthday?” These questions are ones I know I should have the answers to, but I don’t. I start panicking.

“Why don’t I know my own name? When is my birthday? Is it in July? September? Or was it January?” I think to myself, my eyes darting this way and that, “Where is my dad? What’s his name? How old am I?”

The nurses quickly pick up on my restlessness and calm me down. Once I am in a more stable state, I am informed that my family members are waiting outside to see me. I explain that I do not want to see anyone at the moment. The doctor goes out with some medical excuse to tell my family members that they will have to come back the following day.

It’s still day. I spend the rest of that time wondering what happened to me. I question what happened that made me forget everything. I am curious about who I am and what I am doing in such a place.

A few days pass and I soon get more and more visitors. People who call themselves my friends and relatives come and see me. The doctors cut people off after three enter my room. When I got too many people, I’d panic again for the lack of knowledge of who these people were.

I would look at someone and either not recognize anything about them, or find something familiar. There was that rare couple that I recognized slightly. Something about them stood out.

One girl, a little younger than me, I recognized something about the way she held herself. One boy, probably my age, I found familiarity in his eyes. Another boy, I felt a strong connection that felt like home. Another girl, a little older than me, I saw familiarity in her voice. The atmosphere around a certain boy felt familiar.

I found little pieces of people I recognized. The specific thing was different for each person.

My vision blackened and soon I am sitting up in bed, facing this one boy. He is sitting in the chair, a leaning a little forward. He’s wearing a white t-shirt with a black logo on the chest area and dark blue jeans. There’s something about him.

He’s talking to me. I feel comfortable. I know this boy, but I don’t recognize him. Somehow I am not panicking to remember like with the others. I’m okay. I’m talking to him, or we are sitting in silence.

As my vision darkens again, I’m starting to remember something. Something important was going to happen, but I blacked out before I could find out what it was going to be.