I’m sick and tired of being played. I’m sick and tired of being tortured, manipulated, used. I’m sick and tired of trying to make something meaningful, and getting bullshit in return.
To the young females and males out there, who know what it’s like and who are trying their uttermost best to change something about the worlds around them for the better:
I salute you. It doesn’t seem it matters how many times our hearts get torn out of our chests and beaten with wood. It doesn’t seem to make a difference how many strangers walk into our lives and turn it upside down. And it doesn’t matter how the world around us tells us to give up, because we all know, deep down in our hearts, that we will never stop fighting for good. Whether that battle be within ourselves, between our minds and hearts, or between those who we are supposed to be standing beside, we will not stop fighting.
But I’m getting tired. I have to admit, I’m getting sick and tired of all the hurt and the pain that comes from hoping for too much too soon and having too much faith in what’s not there.
When I see that there is potential somewhere, sometimes I jump at the opportunity to turn it into something meaningful right off the bat. When I see there is light in someone’s heart, that spark in someone’s eyes, I pray for them to be able to keep that for the rest of eternity. When I feel something, when there’s a moment in life where I wish I could replay it over and over again, I know there is still something surrounding all of us that is more than the everyday worries we all have running through our minds. There’s something more than what jobs we have, how successful we are money wise, or what kinds of opportunities for fame we missed; the friendships we have, the relationships we love, the human connections we live for…that is more than anything and everything that exists in both mind and body.
But…why do we, as a society, raise up the importance of “connections” in the business world and letter grades on courses about knowledge rather than human connections with one another as human beings and all those lovely moments we all wish to relive once again.
On the top of my head I can name a few:
- The first time he called me ‘baby’ when I was riding in the front seat of his car.
- The first time I won an art competition with a photograph that completely represented who I was.
- The times he held my hand as we walked down the street talking and laughing about anything and everything that came to mind.
- The times he said ‘forever and a day’ because it was a cute catch phrase he had way back when.
- The times I’d find myself laughing so hard that my stomach hurt and all my friends were laughing just as loud around me.
- The times my parents and siblings could finally cook a meal together without someone trying to eat another’s ear off.
- The last time my mom told me she was proud of me, despite my having to ask her first.
- The last time I simply sat with a friend and told them a bit of who I am and what I’m made of.
- The last time I felt as if I was home when I was in someone else’s arms.
- The last time I felt safe just with the presence of someone else I truly trusted.
Those are the moments, those are the things, those are the feelings we should be holding onto…not the trophies we won, not the certificates that just became pieces of paper, not that million dollar toilet painted yellow, not the labels we, as a society, give each other as ‘titles’ of our accomplishments as if the title means more than the knowledge itself.
I’m sick and tired of people laughing at, or joking around about, or teasing someone over how ‘sensitive’ they are to their relationships with those around them. I’m sick and tired of people making relationships sound like “decorations for Christmas” or “a center piece for the table”. It’s not the accessories that we don’t always need…it’s the structure of everything that is our lives and everything that should really mean a damn to you.