The Girl

The Girl

The little girl who plays with her Barbie dolls on the hardwood floor in the playroom.

The little girl twirling around in her favorite blue and green dress as her parents take forever to get ready for another office party.

The girl arguing with her mother for the thousandth time over why she does not want to wear her hair up or put any of the pretty little clips in.

The girl getting lectured over not being girly enough, and caring too much about her friends.

The girl who is more excited to help her dad build a fence for the puppies in the back, then she ever was to help her mom make dinner in the kitchen.

The girl who doesn’t have any friends at school, the one who awkwardly hides in her math teacher’s classroom.

The girl practicing her violin as much as she could in the one hour she had in music class.

The girl learning for the first time what it means to have a real friend, someone to talk to, someone to lean on, someone to laugh with.

The girl trying to figure out what she wants to study in college.

The young girl arguing with her mom for the billionth time over why she couldn’t follow her dreams and become a professional writer or photographer.

The young girl trying to learn what it was like to be in a relationship for the first time, and what it is like for a young man to treat her right.

The young girl moving onto to college and saying ‘goodbye’ to her acquaintances, learning to time manage, and struggling through the first semester.

The young girl who feels more broken than whole after a harsh breakup.

The young girl who can’t stop talking about her boyfriend, while wearing his jacket that hangs on her like a dress.

The young girl who studies in the library for hours each day.

The young girl who is trying to figure out where her passions will get her in the future.

None of these girls seem to exist in the same time frame but…in reality, they all do.


Tear Off the Mask

Tear Off the Mask

She walked through life numbed by the pains from only the first few years of her lifetime. She got pushed and shoved into directions that her parents wanted her to walk. She followed, after some fighting and after hours and hours of being yelled at. If her parents wanted her to walk left, she walked left. If she was told to shut up, she didn’t dare speak. Sometimes she would look at the true direction she wanted to walk with sorrow but she knew she had to fight the urge to run the other way. She had to listen. She had to be a good little daughter.

For her parents,
She turned off her emotions because she was never allowed to cry, to whine, to express any kind of negative feelings.
She put on the pink frilly dresses and spun in circles all cutesy because that gave her parents the attention for having such a cute daughter.
She helped out and did her best to comply because that gave her parents the recognition for having such a well-behaved child.
She smiled when she wanted to cry. She obeyed when she was exhausted. She listened when she wasn’t being heard.

When she grew up,
She volunteered where she was told because it lead to the field her parents wanted her to be in.
She avoided any hobbies or likings that wasn’t fit for a girl in her parents’ eyes.
She never went out with friends because, to her parents, friends weren’t anything important.
She studied and studied and studied, and that was all she ever did.

She hid her emotions because she would be called weak. She hid her struggles because she would be called a failure. She hid her true self because she would be told she wasn’t fit to be a daughter.

She changed herself to fit this image she had to be because it would be a disgrace to her parents if she was anything else.
She went towards a field she disliked because she thought maybe, just maybe her parents would finally be proud.
She pushed her body and mind beyond limits she never knew existed because she was never taught when enough was enough.
She cried herself to sleep each and every night, not knowing the source(s) of all her pains.

She spent years and years trying to become someone her parents would finally look at…and, in the process, she neglected herself in more ways than one. She started losing herself, her true self, in this image her parents drilled into her mind.

She kept friendships that were only using her because she didn’t know where else she would feel like she belonged.
She kept friendships that were toxic because she didn’t understand what healthy was.
She jumped into relationships not knowing what it truly meant for another person to care about her and what the best for her.
She jumped into relationships thinking she finally found someone when, in reality, what she found was abuse.

She trapped herself in a mindset that would only continue to go down. She suffocated from how much darkness was around her in clouding her mind.

But now?

She’s growing up. She’s finding her own way through life. And she’s finding out that she is going to do fine as the person she is.

She will learn what emotions are. She will learn what friendship is. She will learn what’s healthy and what isn’t. She will learn as she goes.

She is going to try piece by piece to remove the mask she hid behind. She is going to try one day at a time to heal the scars and wounds that are still bleeding. She is going to try little by little to un-bottle the emotions she spent years trying to hide.

Wish her luck. Give her your support.