A Reoccurring Dream

A Reoccurring Dream

After a long week of work and study, I collapse into my king-sized bed and throw the comforter over myself. The quiet humming of the AC calms me somehow as I snuggle into my blanket and close my eyes. Finally, I could sleep without worrying about tomorrow’s schedule. It was Friday night after all.

Soon, I see this white light in front of me. It wasn’t as if I were standing in front of a lightbulb, where the light is too blinding to even look at. It was as if my eyes were protected somehow, allowing me to look straight ahead…despite not knowing what I was looking at in the first place.

I believed I was asleep but couldn’t shake the feeling of “having been here”, the feeling of deja vu. This warmth coated my body and suddenly I felt weightless. All the stress in my body completely disappeared. All the tension in my muscles, which have been there for years and years, had simply vanished. I didn’t remember the last time I felt like this, but I didn’t ever want to leave.

I looked ahead again, towards this oddly calming light and felt a pull towards it. My feet felt as if I was suspended in the air, so I could not walk forward but I felt my legs try to. It was as if I was being called, as if I was returning somewhere I’ve been before. I kept looking at this light but could not understand what about it fascinated me so much.

After a while, I felt a hand reach out to me. Something told me everything is going to be okay. Something told me I was taken cared of. Something told me all I had to do was wait for whatever is supposed to unfold next. It was as if something was guiding me. Somehow I was protected. Somehow I was watched over, in a way. Somehow…I had this sense of security.

Then I opened my eyes and found myself still laying in my bed, surrounded by the darkness that is nighttime. But I found myself holding onto that sense of security, and I felt in my heart that everything was going to be okay. Something told me I wasn’t alone. Something told me I was taken cared of. Something told me I was promised…what, I don’t know.

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Listen to Me

Listen to Me

Don’t listen to me when I’m flustered because when my emotions flood my head and everything gets overwhelming, not everything comes out right. Don’t listen to the things I say when I’m in a panic to find the right words because they might not always express my heart and mind all that great. Don’t listen to the words I say in desperation because I simply cannot find the right words to say not that they don’t exist…just not at that time and place.

When you search in my eyes for some kind of clue, I am searching my heart for the right words. When you fight me and ask me questions trying to reach through to me, I am hearing you but I might not have the most perfect sentence to say. When you plead me to tell you what it is I think, it is not that I am not trying but I cannot find the right words to say.

There are things you wish I’d tell you, and those things might as well be the exact thing I wish you’d understand. But if not for the human’s lack of power to read the mind, I wouldn’t be standing here and we wouldn’t be fighting…and we’d be fine.

Sometimes I wish you could see things from my eyes, because maybe then you would understand and comprehend how things effect me. Sometimes I wish you could feel my heart, because it breaks every time you blame me simply because you have no one else nearby. Sometimes I wish you could hear my thoughts, because the courage that is required to speak the truth that makes my eyes cry is always lacking at the wrong times.

Don’t listen to me when I am tired of the tears in my eyes, because that might be the same time I am tired of trying to get you to understand. Don’t listen to me when I feel helpless, because I might also feel the need to keep my world the same because at least I could handle the pain. Don’t listen to me but watch me and try to understand, because my words might deceive you and block you from both my mind and heart.