A bit of time has passed since my last vague post here. I did mean what I said to a certain extent. This means I will be taking a break from blogging for quite some time. I am going to be focusing on everything that is changing around me in my life right now and everything that has yet to come. If you would like to check out the post I published on my second blog, here’s the link:
“To My Readers: A Heads Up”
If any of you would like to follow my second blog, I do have posts scheduled to publish every Sunday and Thursday morning. Those will continue to go up for quite some time and hopefully I will be back before they run out.
I would like to thank you guys for following me on my journeys whether you have followed me from the beginning, middle, or just followed me recently. I have always appreciated hearing back from you all. Thank you for all the support you have given me.
Be back soon.
Everyone has heard of the battle scars on people’s arms, legs, face, and body. Everyone knows there is more than what meets the eye, there is more than that scar that lies on the surface of the skin. Everyone has them too, for a scar does not have to be on the outside and visible to everyone to be considered as real.
Hours and hours go by yet I still can’t help but think of you, want to be with you, or talk to you. Despite everything that’s happening around me, you flood my thoughts endlessly.
How can you tell someone who wants to start over that you will never look at them the same? How can you hurt that person who put you through immense pain when you don’t want to hurt them at all? How can you tell them that when you don’t want to put them through what they had done to you?
What are you expected to do when something you were forced to give up on suddenly returns to you? What are you suppose to do when the one thing that you felt so much pain from comes back and asks to make things better? What are you expected to do when the person – the person who you once trusted, the person who once left you broken hearted – come back and wants things to go back to how they were?
I can’t push someone away and abandon them when they need me. That’s not who I am. That is not who I will ever be.
But I can’t bring myself to trust this person anymore…
I don’t want to live with regrets. I want to be able to hold you now. I don’t want to be questioning every minute whether you’re going to leave me or stay. I want to know that the ride I’m going through will somehow make it’s way to something where it’s a dream come true. I don’t want to live with questions of what might have been. I want to be able to say that I lived the best I could’ve with you by my side. I won’t want to live with any regrets. I want to live with you standing next to me, by my side, here for the dive.
You go through days and just wonder where you fit in this world; this vast, complicated, and manipulated world we live in. Where does our thoughts belong, who are we meant to stand by, what are we meant to become?
We always have these question of where we are suppose to be and what we are suppose to do. And no one really knows the answer. Maybe that’s because there isn’t really an answer to be given. There might not be something we are supposed to be or do or become. It’s all in our choice.
It’s our life. Who we are, we can create. What we do, we can decide. What we become, we can chose.